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My first day felt like Hell!

27/9/2016

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With many people thinking of quitting forever starting this October, I thought I would share this extract from my book One Less for the Road.

That first day I gave up alcohol was hell. Not because the giving up drink was hell but because I felt like hell. I had a hangover which meant a splitting headache and I had gout which meant acute pain every time I tried to move my left foot or my knees.

My eldest daughter and son-in-law had been staying with us and were still there that morning so I had to make the effort to get out of bed and go downstairs, and once there I just sat with a glass of water feeling awful and ashamed at the condition I was in.

The only saving grace I had was in my head. I kept saying over and over to myself – ‘Never again. This is the last day I will ever feel like this because I will never ever drink again.’ I had said these things to myself before of course, probably hundreds if not thousands of times over the years, but this time it was different – the message was for me and for me alone. I didn’t and wouldn’t say anything to anyone else, I wouldn’t do the usual ‘I am quitting drinking!’ announcement purely to receive the derision that message so rightly deserved, no, this time I would keep the knowledge secret to me and tell no-one until they noticed I hadn’t been drinking. Then I would drop into conversation the fact I had quit.

I sat quiet for most of that day, planning how I would quit, and going through all the things that would make up my methodology and that are set out in my book ‘I Don’t Drink!’ I started making lists of things I would need and things I would need to remember, but most of all, I determined the one big thing I was going to focus on – gout. I was going to beat gout and change my life. I was not going to die before my time like my brother had, I would beat gout and by so doing, live and be healthy.

I sat quieter still and thought some more. My wife remembers me cowering into myself as if I was a crab withdrawing into my shell, and it probably looked that way.

A far better analogue to look back on is me being a caterpillar creating a chrysalis, because just as happens in the insect world once I emerged from that cocoon there was no way back. I would be something and someone new!

As I sat there planning I wanted to shut the day and everyone in it out, and I so wished that day could be over so I could start the first real day of my life. I was even counting down the hours until bed-time.

I drank gallons of water that day, I tried to flush every drop of alcohol I had ever drunk from my system. I imagined my poor liver getting just that little bit better because of the water and my drinking nothing alcoholic. I told it I would try harder and drink lots of water every day from there on.

To be honest I thought about drink a lot that day, not from the perspective of wanting a drink but what I would miss. I thought about the nice times that involved drink such as a glass of cider after a hard swim, or a refreshing glass of wine sitting by the beach. I had to keep reminding myself I had been there and done that and focus back on the negatives such as the gout and not wanting to die.

By tea-time I felt a little better although my knees were still swollen and I carried on with the water diet. My wife looked at me quizzically and must have wondered when I was going to have some wine, but mercifully she didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to explain what I was doing.

The strangest thing is it felt like I was being watched that day. It felt as if someone or something was focusing on me and testing my resolve. Perhaps it was my subconscious working overtime and talking to my conscious self – telling me there was no way back, and that this thing had to be done!

I went to bed very early that night. I remember laying back with my head on the pillow and smiling to myself. By this time, I had given up thinking about wanting a drink or the drinks I would miss because there was no point, there was no countdown that had started until the time I could drink again, this was it, forever. As I lay there staring at the ceiling there was already a strange and unexpected calm coming over me. In retrospect I believe it was the lack of mental planning about booze that was so refreshing. I wasn’t doing any of my normal ‘didn’t drink today so I can have extra tomorrow’ routine. All that had been switched off by my subconscious as no longer being relevant.

This really was day one of a whole new life. Nothing would ever be the same again, and I couldn’t wait for the next day to begin. I had found a calendar I would use as a non-drinking star chart to reward myself with a star each day and I had even found a packet of stars to stick on! The first thing I was going to do when I woke up was stick on that first star and count one!

I knew it might be a difficult journey I was taking, I knew there would be trials and tribulations and even regrets perhaps, but I was determined. This new ‘forever’ was an unknown alien world I would face in the morning, but I was ready to meet it head on. If someone then had told me how easy a journey it would turn out to be, I would have laughed in their face.
PS I still have some free copies of the audiobook version of One Less for the Road to give away. Simply enter the competition on my website.
 

 

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The New Baby!

23/9/2016

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Beautiful baby Isabella was born to my eldest daughter this week, bringing a complete world of joy into our lives. In this photo she is 49 hours old!
As I held her and marvelled at the miracle that is life itself, I reminded myself how lucky I was to be there to share the moment.

My brother died due to alcohol eight years ago when he was three years younger than I am now, and he never got to even see his own grandchildren, they were born after his death. To think I used to think outliving the age he got to would be some kind of achievement is not only pathetic, it’s a disgrace. This Christmas it will be four years since I had a drink and I will be relishing every second I get to spend with both my grandchildren.  

If you are struggling to find an incentive to want to quit alcohol, think ahead to the precious moments you want to be able to capture when you are older.

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I Don't C'air'!

19/9/2016

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Actually I am far more caring now I am free from alcohol, but there are some things I can enjoy not caring about.
This weekend I read the report about far more drink fuelled incidents on aircraft, ‘air rage’, and the fact that some airlines are thinking of banning alcohol altogether.
In the past this news could have really stressed me, after all, I am and was a regular flyer on business and the thought of having to spend a few hours in the sky without the comfort of a gin and tonic after take-off and then regular mini bottles of wine during the flight would have been unthinkable. ’What will I do with myself? How can anyone cope for so long without a drink?’, I would have thought.

Now I don’t care. I don’t care that they might ban alcohol. I don’t care when I fly that I can’t have a drink because I Don’t Drink, and I enjoy the flight far more. In my book One Less for the Road I talk about this issue some more. Here is an extract:

So what is it like flying sober?
Bloody marvellous is the short answer. Have you noticed how much stress you get waiting for the steward/ess to serve the first drink? Waiting whilst they make their way slowly down the aisle. Knowing you are going to have a drink when they finally reach you just makes you more desperate for them to get to you. It is probably like quitting drinking for a month (I wouldn’t know), you just can’t wait for the month to end so you can get smashed – what a nightmare of stress.

Of course if you are travelling business or upper class you won’t be having to wait, but I have been lucky enough to travel business class once or twice and I found it awkward. They give you a glass to drink, you toss it back within seconds and then you either have to wait ages for a top up or you start to feel embarrassed that you have to ask for more, and then more and then more!

Question:
Does waiting for a drink on the plane ever get to you?
 

Not caring when the trolley gets to you is just one aspect that is so much better without alcohol. The flight itself is more enjoyable, you feel fresher and more relaxed – believe me, it is the opposite of what you imagine where drink would be the thing that relaxes you. And when you get to the other end you are fresh as a daisy, you can far better cope with all the aggravation of customs and getting your baggage, and delays become less of an issue, after all, you are not desperate to get to your hotel for a drink so can take a far more laid-back perspective on events as they unfold. I wouldn’t want to go back to travelling drunk ever again.

The really big bonus from flying sober is that with alcohol being a diuretic you dehydrate far less without it, especially as you will be drinking non-alcoholic liquids instead. This was the real killer for me – even if I was flying now and I wanted an alcoholic drink (which I wouldn’t), the very thought of all the illness, pain and discomfort the dehydration would cause would be more than enough to make me change my mind.

I do of course care that there are people behaving in a way that is unpleasant and could be dangerous to others, but then I don’t want to bang the ‘ban the drink’ drum having been there and done that as an alcoholic myself for all those years, so I will let someone else do the banging. Instead I am content to spend my energies helping others quit the drink so they can not care about news like this as well.


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What do you see?

13/9/2016

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I used to see things and talk complete rubbish when I was drunk, it seems nothing much has changed! Last night we saw this strange cloud pattern from our back garden. I think it looks like a baby in the womb and as I am expecting my first granddaughter any day this week it might be a sign that today is the day! What an incredibly exciting time, and as my readers will know, one I never expected to be alive to witness.
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The power of the TUG

4/9/2016

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My latest video. In this video I controversially question the nature of alcohol addiction and introduce the concept of the TUG, a pull from within that was fundamental to my quitting alcohol forever. What is the TUG? Can you feel the TUG? Find out more in this video.
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Wish I was? - Now I am!

3/9/2016

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Every Saturday morning without fail, I swim a mile at my local pool. I swim fairly fast managing the mile in 35 minutes which is not bad for breaststroke, and for my age. As I counted the lengths in my head this morning (a sort of constant running total building up stroke by stroke – other lap swimmers will know what I mean) I also started planning what I would be achieving over the next few months, and with an impending house move there was much to plan, all of which is exciting. I find that swimming laps really helps to focus my thoughts.

I remembered afterwards how when I was still drinking I used to also swim on Saturday mornings (somewhat slower and often using a support float as one or other of my feet would be out of action); but instead of planning wonderful things I was going to do in my life, my thoughts would be on other less exciting things or creating a fictitious persona for myself as a means of escape. I used to wish I was younger and more healthy, and free of money worries. I used to wish I had been someone else such as a famous explorer or an astronaut, I used to wish I had done things differently in my life, and I would fanaticise in my head as I swam. What a shame I wasn’t happy being the person I was.

So not only does quitting drinking give you a wonderful sense of freedom, it makes you happy with who and what you are, and it allows you to plan for a wonderful future knowing some useless drinking habit isn’t going to get in the way and spoil it all for you.

So be happy, be free, be full of the future, and quit the drink forever!

 

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